Thursday, March 3, 2016

Fashion for the Chronically Pained

My fashion accessories for today:

And since I know everyone is dying to know just how I get my "look", I'll let you in on my secret.

First, I started with a pair of black leggings (leggings because they fit well under braces, and black because, well, they make the black braces slightly less noticeable?).

After that I threw a knee brace on each leg for a little stability and just to really make a statement (I believe the statement I was going for was something like "please, knees, stop giving out on me and let me get through today. Oh, and maybe don't slip out of place because I'm getting really tired of the nerve pain that comes along with that").

Anyway, I then completed this awesome ensemble with a pair of cute running shoes since, you know, cute flats are out unless they can accommodate orthotics (which they never can) and heels are totally and completely, just... NO. I made sure to get them in a trendy color so that I look like I'm fashionable and athletic and not so much like a crippled grandma.

So there you have it.

I know, you're jealous of my style. I can't help that my chronic illnesses make me so darn sexy :P

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Valentine's Day 2016

What is a girl to do when February 14th just happens to be both the most romantic holiday of the year AND the day the Walking Dead mid-season premiere is on? Well, if you're AWESOME then you have a Walking Dead Valentine's Extravaganza!!! Or you know, like a Walking Dead themed date or something... haha.

I dug out Karl's old school backpack that has been sadly abandoned since May (ok, no one is really sad about that), and turned it into an Emergency Zombie Survival Kit! I stuck in some treats (er, "rations"), our Walking Dead TacDex game (two player zombie card game!), the two Nerf guns we already owned, PLUS I bought the Zombie Strike Nerf gun Karl's had his eye on, and some ammo, of course.

I left the backpack and this nifty "invite" where I knew Karl would find it when he got up from his Sunday afternoon nap (in front of his computer, haha), and I think he was pretty surprised :) 

Once the kiddos went down it was time to party!

Head-shots :)

That guy in the middle was tough to kill!

I had printed up some gross zombie pictures for target practice (did I mention we love to shoot Nerf guns, you know, just for fun?) and taped them to the wall with packing tape so the darts would stick. Then Karl picked out my "zombie apocalypse survivor" outfit and we had a lot of fun trying to decide if we would survive a horde of zombies with our Nerf skills :) 

I feel so scandalous!

We were going to play the TacDex game, but we ended up running out of time and just ended up watching the episode and eating treats instead. 

Overall, probably one of the most laid-back Valentine's dates we've ever done, but honestly, I think it was one of the best. Just fun, together, enjoying common interests, what could be better??

Saturday, January 9, 2016

The "M" Word

Big step for me. I've finally given in and am trying... MEDICATION.

After a very rough year or so, and a lot of feeling like the worst mother in the world, I finally caved and talked to my doctor about the "M-word". I thought I was okay with this, I mean, I've always thought meds were a good thing if used correctly and if they are needed. I would never think any less of a person for taking meds for depression, in fact, I'm proud of of the people in my life who do what they need to do to take care of themselves and their mental and physical health.

However, it wasn't until I was holding the bottle in my hand, and saw the word "PROZAC" staring up at me, that I realized that belief does not extend to myself.

As I stood by the kitchen sink, trying to decide if I should take that first dose or not, I felt... like I was cheating. Like, maybe my problems weren't all that bad and I was just looking for a quick fix in a magic pill. I also felt like a failure, like I should have been able to fix this on my own with a handful of cashews, some vitamins, positive affirmations, meditation, and a few choice essential oils.


After all, there are about a bajillion pins on Pinterest instructing me on how to overcome my depression naturally. Oh, and all the quotes about how happiness is a choice, those too. I must not have been choosing hard enough. Or praying hard enough. Not TRYING hard enough.

I didn't realize until that moment what an enormous defeat it would feel like to take that little white pill.

But, I did it anyway.

After a few days, I noticed something: I felt so, oddly, quiet inside.

It's like, when you live with two really LOUD, rambunctious children and 80% of the time you don't get a moment of silence without someone screaming about "sharing" or singing "Let it GOOOOO" at the top of their lungs or begging for fruit snacks and more TV time... And then someone takes those children out of your house for a few hours and the sudden lack of noise is so... Obvious. You just listen to the silence because it is so novel.

I didn't realize how much constant emotional turmoil I was in until it was suddenly gone. The ever-present undercurrent of sorrow, hurt, guilt, anger, irritability, and despair had vanished.

The last few days I've been the mom I haven't been since Declan was born (my poor children!) I've been happy and productive, I've said "yes" more than "no". I've spent so much less time on my phone trying to escape and much more time playing games like I used to, before my brain broke again.

I never understood how people could CHOOSE to be happy, but now I feel as if I am in control of my emotions, rather than the other way around (as I have always felt). All my emotions are still there--I'm still tired and my kids can get on my nerves--but now I feel like I can "take a deep breath and count to 4" instead of losing my mind completely.

It hasn't been that long, and the pharmacist said it could take up to 4 weeks to feel the full effect, so maybe this is all just some crazy placebo effect, but for now, I'll take it.

I have had some side effects, so I don't know what my future relationship with this medication will be, but for the time being, the benefits definitely out weigh the bad stuff.

Here's to a better, brighter year, and a new, happier Momma!

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Good-bye, 2015

2015... If I could describe you in one word, it would be "struggle"--which sounds terribly depressing (and a good bit of it was) but with struggle always comes learning and self-revelation. Both of those things are very good and productive, I'd say.

I've struggled this year, mentally, with so many issues that have plagued me for much of my life: anxiety, panic, depression, anger; emotions that often threaten to consume me and take those closest to me as collateral damage. Physically I've grappled with the same old limitations and flaws while my body and mind were challenged by new and ever more difficult challenges. I've struggled with my faith, feeling it being tested, knowing that I need to hang on with increased tenacity, and yet many times being completely unable to summon the energy or motivation to keep fighting for it, or anything else for that matter.

This year I've wrestled with inner demons and outside triggers.

Karl graduated this year and started to work full-time as a real employee of a real company (with benefits!) We are now technically "middle-class" and our living situation is quite comfortable. My children are beautiful, smart, amazing, and I love them very much. My marriage is good. We both have our flaws and our own challenges that test us and our relationship, but he is a good, hard-working man, and we try our best. We have clung together through every issue that has faced us. We love each other despite anything and everything that has tested us.

I thought for sure this was the point in my life I was waiting for, the moment I could stop struggling and finally LIVE and be happy. But that never happened.

I still feel as though I'm constantly treading water, barely able to keep my head above the surface.

My life is good! So why am I not?

This year I gained 20 lbs. I've become more addicted to escaping into my smart phone than ever before--a fact that pains me to no end, but I still feel powerless to stop it. I'm exhausted and my body seems to love to throw one thing after another at me. If it's not POTS, it's pain, if not pain then anxiety, if not anxiety, then stomach issues... I always think that if I could just get through whatever "flare" is laying me out today, I'll get a break and can get back on top of things--but the break never comes.

So, one of my revelations that I've come to this year (if you were wondering where on earth this was all going) is that I have a physical disability and a mental illness.

Ugh. I cringe just writing that. Those terms just seem so... terrible. And seriously, could I possibly any more dramatic??? But, I've realized it's true. It is my truth and I need to accept it and claim it. That's really the only way I can stop making excuses and start making accommodations. To equip myself with the tools I need to live my life.

It seems a little silly, I mean, of course I've always known that these issues were a problem, but I've tried so hard to be "normal", to not appear different or weak. 2016 is the year I finally come out of the "normal/healthy-person closet" and admit and accept what I truly am: imperfection.

From my DNA to my mind, and everything in between, I AM IMPERFECT, just like everyone else... which seems to be the hardest part to accept. I need help. I don't need a mask of ability and normalcy to hide behind. I am me, I struggle, I am imperfect, and from now on, that's okay.

This next year is going to be better than my last year (sorry, 2015), because I've learned a lot. I am positive I will still struggle, but I have come so far (and struggled for so long), I can be better. This year I will be a better wife, mother, and person. NOT perfect--as I've always aimed for--but better.

And that is okay.

So, 2015, thank you for the blessings and moments of happiness (I must acknowledge that those were there too). I really have been thoroughly blessed by my family (big and small), with Karl's job situation, with friends and support, and so many other things. I can see the good, even when I have a hard time feeling it.

However, thank you especially for the struggles. Without them I wouldn't be seeing the glimmer of light at the end of my longest, darkest tunnel.

Even if it is just a glimmer.

Good-bye, 2015.

Thursday, August 27, 2015


I worry sometimes...

Ok, that's a lie, I worry ALL the time (thanks, Anxiety). Sometimes, however, the things I worry about are more justified than others. Today, I had a thought: I realized that I may have doomed my children to a horrible fate. I've thought about and "guilted" over it before, but today it really hit me so specifically that the guilt has gone to a whole new level.

See, my children each have a 50/50 chance of getting my health problems. I didn't know this when I was wishing, hoping, and praying for a baby that didn't seem like she'd ever come, and I still didn't know this when we decided to have a second little one join our family.

At the time I thought I was an anomaly. I thought my issues were mine alone; my fluky, messed up body was just a mistake. It wasn't until my second child was a few months old that I figured out what was wrong with me, and that it was a genetic condition.

Sure, there is definitely a chance that neither of them will get it, and if they did get it, this syndrome is so varying that their symptoms might be much milder than mine. On the other hand, they could be worse than I am, much, much worse :(

It's difficult to tell at this point, and so I worry.

I worry every time they wake crying in the night, thinking they might be in pain from a day of running and just being kids. I worry when my little guy gags and chokes when he eats and drinks, just like his mama. I worry when I watch my daughter walk and see her arches collapse as she over-pronates. "That's normal, they're healthy" the pediatrician tells me, and I try not to let my fears affect my little ones; it's just so hard knowing that my pediatrician said the same thing about me.

Anyway, today I was thinking, and dreaming about what my little man would end up doing with his life, and it struck me that I may have ruined him. He is so athletically inclined; at 18 months he already kicks a ball better than a lot of three year-olds I know. He loves balls of all kinds, he loves to kick and throw, and run and jump. It's fun to think of where he might go with his skills. That is, until the image pops up of a very short, painful athletic career, filled with injuries and frustrating limitations. What if I have stolen his dreams from him??

Obviously, I can't do anything about it now, so worrying and feeling guilty at this point is silly, but sometimes I just can't help it. I've never imagined a future for my babies in which they were anything but healthy and happy, and the thought of anything less is just crushing, especially knowing it would be my fault. The DNA I gave them, my egg, my genetics... Me.

Garg. Apparently I'm in a sulky mood this afternoon... I just wish I could see into the future and prepare for what lies ahead.

I hate not knowing.

Monday, June 8, 2015

Sleeping Beauty

My little sleeping beauty...

The past little while she's been asking me to hold her hand while she falls asleep, which I'm quite happy to do :) It means I get to see this beautiful little princess (superhero) face by the soft glow of her "monster-repelling" night-light. I sit next to her bed in the rocking chair sneaking glimpses of her intense little face and wondering what mysteries she's contemplating as she makes her way towards sleep.

That is, when she's not telling me EXACTLY what she's thinking ;)

I love it.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

And, Evie's First Haircut!

We cut her hair! We said fairly recently that we weren't planning on it, but we did it!

And I almost cried.

I mean, look at those gorgeous locks! And her pretty baby curls that are lost forever D: If only her hair ALWAYS looked like that. She hasn't been letting us brush it or do anything to style it at all lately, so we decided she might look like less of a wild forest child with a haircut.

And the results:

Super cute, in my opinion :) The lady asked if we wanted to keep some, and I said yes, hoping she'd keep a lock, with a curl... But she just picked some up off the floor and wound it up into a loop and taped it to a card that said "baby's first haircut", lol. Had I known, I probably would have cut some myself, but oh well!

She looks so grown up with her short hair (or "short-cut", as she calls it)!

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Declan's First Haircut!

Oh, the things you have to deal with when you have a boy...

Like haircuts, for instance. It's been over three years and I have not once had to worry about Evie's hair, but we really needed to do something about Declan's:

It was getting a little out of control.

So, we went to get it cut...

He was VERY unsure about the whole process, but honestly did way better than I thought he would.

And afterward we let him eat the sucker they gave him, so he was quite satisfied in the end ;)

Saturday, February 7, 2015

The Curse of the Birthday Date...

I'm starting to think we should just forget my birthady every year.

See, last year Karl arranged everything for us to go on a birthday date. He got a babysitter, we dropped Evie off, and then we realized I had forgotten my wallet, and so had he. We drove all the way home and Karl just ran in and got his so I wouldn't have to get out of the car and run up and down all those stairs with my huge pregnant body.

Then, we drove to Red Robins, and on the way the FedEx people finally called me back (they SAID they had delivered a package we had ordered for my birthday, but it was no where to be found!). Before we went in, Karl offered to call the FedEx people back for me since he knew how much I wanted that package and how much I hate calling people. He thought it would be a quick call, but he and the guy helping him got put on hold and he spent like 40 minutes on the phone! The guy even said that it NEVER takes this long and he had no idea why we got put on hold so long. During this time we got seated and ordered, but realized that since I hadn't grabbed MY wallet, I didn't have my ID and therefore the restaurant wouldn't honor my coupon for a free burger, which was the main reason we went to that particular restaurant...

Not the best birthday date, and not for lack of trying on my poor hubby's part. Definitely a fluke though, right??

Well, this year, we went on our date the weekend before my birthday because Karl is going to be completely swamped on my actual birthday, and next Saturday is Valentines Day, which makes it difficult to find a place that's not exceedingly busy. So, we dropped kids off at my parents' house in North Orem and headed to Kneaders down in the Riverwoods (very east and center st. ish in Orem). We stood around for awhile trying to decide what to order (we'd never been there before and we are both incredibly indecisive!). Finally we picked what we wanted, ordered, and I started rumaging through my purse looking for my wallet to pay for our meal.

It wasn't there. Karl didn't have his either.

Seriously. What the what? The last place I remember having my wallet was at the creamery the day before; Declan was getting into my purse and I saw him grab the wallet, but in our rush to get everyone out the door, I didn't check to make sure it was still there.

So, we drove all the way back to our house in North West Provo (like a 15 minute drive) to get Karl's wallet (which he thought to make sure he grabbed, but then didn't). Then we drove to the Kneaders in Provo. I was very hungry by this point. Karl called the creamery for me (sound familiar?) but they didn't have my wallet and suggested that we call the Wilk to see if it had been taken there. Annnd the the lost and found was closed that day.

We ate, and by the time the whole debacle was over, we had to just rush back to pick up the kiddos...

I'm just really thinking I've offended the birthday gods or something; the wallet gods at the very least!


Here's hoping we can appease them before next year!

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam!

Today was Evie's first day of primary! Where in the world does the time go?

I was worried about how she'd take the change since she just barely turned three, and since she just started enjoying nursery on her own. She has been anxious about these sorts of things in the past, but she did very well today!

She looked a little nervous when I left her sitting in the primary room (which was bustling with people and kids trying to figure out new classes) but I walked past a couple times to check on her and she seemed fine. She even stood up to do "head, shoulders, knees, and toes" in opening exercises, which was big, because she doesn't generally like to jump right in on things in new situations.

During relief society Declan was being too noisy so we walked in the halls and when we walked past the sunbeam classroom I heard a voice I would know anywhere belting "Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam" at the very top of her lungs. It was adorable... I hope her teachers appreciated it ;)

I can't believe my baby girl is already in primary! Sending her off to nursery was hard enough!

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Relief Society

I left Relief Society on the verge of tears today...

After our practice song I just couldn't stand sitting there for one more minute, so I walked out to my car (trying not to run into anyone on my way out), and I just sat there fighting back tears and watching the raindrops slide down the glass....

I felt so incredibly lost and alone.

We moved into this ward three months ago, and our first Sunday here I realized it's HUGE. Seriously, like Sunday school is split into two giant rooms, and it's still packed. I admit, I have a lot of issues with social anxiety and going to a new ward in general is tough for me, but this ward is a challenge all its own.

After three years in our last ward, I was finally feeling like there were a few people I knew and who even cared that I existed, and now, I know almost no one. In my last ward I was finally starting to get a feel for who was who and who lived where, but in this ward, I feel like it's impossible to ever figure out, let alone get to know, even half the members. I do love my dear next door neighbor, Julie, but she leaves after sacrament meeting every week because of her arthritis. I've never really met the relief society presidency, I know Julie emailed them about us moving in and needing help, but we never heard anything back. I've been having a hard time with life and I don't have any visiting teachers that I know of, and I just feel so alone and forgotten by the world.

Anyway, enough back story, there I was sitting in Relief Society all by myself, and there were people (SO many people) sitting all around me and all talking to each other in these chatty little groups to the point that it was difficult for the sister conducting to start the meeting. Then a couple of sisters got up and distributed some hymn books, offering them to people around me, but I didn't get one... and the women near me didn't offer to share. I knew the first verse of "The Day Dawn is Breaking", but by the second verse, I was at loss half the time.

I felt hopelessly alone in the middle of a sea of people... and that's when it all just fell apart. I could feel the tears coming. I tried to stop them, because it was stupid to cry over something so silly, but they just kept coming despite my best efforts.

And writing it down, it really does seem so silly... I absolutely know it's silly to feel hurt, or overwhelmed, or stressed by such a normal situation. No one had done anything to hurt me or offend me. Nothing was really wrong; I should have been fine.

But I wasn't. I didn't feel fine. And I think that's part of the reason I fell apart.

I hate that I can't deal with these situations like a normal person. When I was younger I had this idea that being a grown up, getting married, becoming a mom, etc. would somehow, magically make me able to deal with these social situations. At the very LEAST I had hoped that I'd grow out of it, or gain enough experience to be able to deal with it. But no, here I am at 26 years old, with two children who need me to take them to church every week so that they can be a part of the gospel, and I am still freaking out over such simple human interactions.

I desperately want friends, but I am terrified of the small talk that it takes to make them. I know, the answer is just "put yourself out there, sit down next to someone else and strike up a conversation, bring cookies to your neighbors, join a book club..." Which would work wonders, I'm sure, were I an extrovert with out anxiety problems.

I will figure it all out in the end, I'm sure, but for right now, I just want to have it recorded that this day happened.

This is not a sympathy post or a complaint post. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, and I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself. This is also not an inspirational post where I tell you the uplifting, spiritual experience I had to get me through this. I'm not there yet, and I think that's ok.

What this post IS, is just me telling you that this happened. This is how I felt today.

There are cute pictures of my kids and funny quotes that I'll probably be putting on Facebook later, and that's all you'll see and you'll assume you know how my life is going from what pops up in your newsfeed. But, this day happened and I want it to be known.


Monday, December 8, 2014

Evie #3

My little baby is 3 years old!! THREE! Where has the time gone?

I was just thinking about this, since I have a dear friend who is anxiously waiting for her own overdue December girl--I remember how excruciatingly slow the time went waiting for her to finally get here! Those last weeks, days, and hours before my labor finally started were an eternity! And yet, as soon as she finally made her appearance in the world, time refused to slow down for a minute (weeeeell, except for those eternally long nights when she refused to sleep... but I digress)!

It seriously seems like just yesterday I was hurrying her out into the world, and today she suddenly seems so grown up! How is she not still that tiny little thing that we brought home from the hospital (with much care and anxiety on our first car ride)? 

In my mind she is still that scrawny little newborn, the rolly-polly, determined infant, and also the crazy kid she's grown into, all at once!

Sometimes I really wish I could save each stage of her life in a different room and could visit her at each age whenever I wished. I love the bright, beautiful child she's grown into, but I miss my bebe too.

And now I'm feeling all sentimental-y...


But, enough of that!! Here is our 3 year old Evie cakes!

Evie weighs 26 lbs (11 %) and is nearly 36 inches tall (21%)!

She is so smart, and beautiful, and kind. She has been a wonderful big sister to her baby brother ever since he was born... this year, lol. We've had very few jealous moments, and even then she would just say "mom, put Declan down." when she'd felt I'd been holding him all day long and just needed a little mommy-time.

Catching her brother :)
  She is always looking out for him; I was getting frustrated that she kept running ahead of me and closing all the doors on whatever floor of the house we were on... until I realized that she was closing them to keep Declan from crawling into places he's not supposed to go. I never asked her to do it or discussed it with her, she just noticed that I was always pulling him out of the bathroom and telling him not to go in there, and she decided to help! She'll also hold onto him if he starts to crawl or sit at the top of the stairs to keep him from falling. Although, if he's crawling UP the stairs from the bottom, she just runs up ahead of him, cheers him on, and tells me not to "grab him", haha.

Evie has a fantastic little memory; she loves to memorize books, movies, and songs. She knows the majority of the lines to "Frozen", of course, but some of them are lines she makes up because she doesn't understand the real ones. Some of my favorite Evie lines are: "it get's a little lonely, all these empty rooms, just watching these owls skip BYYYY" (or: watching the hours tick by), and, "(Anna:)Elsa, please! I can't look like this anymore! (Elsa:)Then leave." There are more, but I can't remember them for the life of me.

Needless to say, Evie is obsessed with "Frozen". She has basically BEEN Elsa for nearly a year now. She loves to sing every song from the movie (including the instrumentals and one on the end credits) in a row and at the top of her lungs. It makes it difficult to have any other activities occurring simultaneously, but she is very passionate about it. Her other passion is acting out all the scenes from the movie, sometimes with us, sometimes as a one-girl show, and sometimes with whatever toys or dolls she has on hand.

She also discovered a show called Peg + Cat this fall, which she loves too, probably because Peg is a precocious little smarty-pants just like her ;) The other things she likes to watch are Super-Why, Daniel Tiger, Arthur, and she recently found that she loves the movie "Maleficent".

Evie as "Peg" for Halloween
 Evie still loves books and reading. We tend to make a library trip about once a week, and every single visit we have to raid the "Little Critter" shelf. She also likes The Berenstain Bears, Piggie and Elephant books, and the Llama Llama books.

Being all mature and reading books on her Kindle...
Evie loves to go to the museums at Thanksgiving Point and the Bean museum. She also loves to go to both the malls around here... for their playgrounds ;)

She also loves to play with ooblek, paint, face-paint, cloud dough, play dough, and anything else that's messy!!

She is still very active and adventurous, and she's starting to like people again finally! Yay! She's a bit less shy these days--she still takes a minute to warm up to new situations and people, but she's come a long way in the last year! She is (generally) a very sweet little girl. She says "thank you" all the time, and is actually very good at sharing for her age.

These past 3 years have been so intense, but I cannot even begin to express how grateful I am to be this little girl's mother. She is going to do awesome things in this world if she decides to, I just hope I can help her become the amazing person she is destined to be!

Happy Birthday, Evie May!

Friday, November 21, 2014


There are two words that we know for certain Declan knows: his name, and the word "BATH".

I'm sure he knows a lot of other words too, but there is just no doubt with these two. When he hears them he'll stop whatever he's doing and whip his head around to look at you, and he gets this HUGE grin on his face!

He absolutely loves bath time! When he hears the water running he goes "fast crawling" straight for the tub. He loves splashing, playing with toys, and trying to stand up and turn the knobs (THAT drives me crazy).

I love that he's starting to develop very definite opinions and interests; he's such a little person these days!!

Monday, November 17, 2014

I'm grateful for my marriage.

I am grateful for my marriage.

I'm grateful for those moments when he drives me absolutely crazy, because that means he's still here to do so.

I'm grateful for those difficult moments of unskilled communication and our struggles with problem solving, because it means we're still trying and we're getting better and better.

I'm grateful for the progress we've made since we were first married at 20 years old. Marriage is wonderful, but there is so much that is tough in the learning process.

I'm grateful he's stood by my craziness, because I know I'm not always a walk in the park.

I'm also grateful for the wonderful moments. I'm so grateful that they outnumber the bad. The bad tend to seem so big in my mind, they take up more space and energy,  but there is so very much more good than bad.

I'm grateful that there is always someone there for me, someone who loves me. I'm grateful that at the end of the day I have an amazing person to listen to me, and help me with my burdens.

I'm grateful for touch, for loving hugs and gentle kisses.

I'm grateful for support.

I'm grateful for imperfections.

I'm grateful we're still here. I don't know what I would do without my husband. No matter how tough or frustrating things have ever been, life would be so, so much worse without him by my side. 

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Sunday Morning Evie Quotes...

Evie: "Can I take little frog to nursery so he won't feel left out?"
Me: "You'll have to share him with the other kids if you bring him"
Evie: "Okay!!"
Karl: "They might want to take him and not give him back"
Evie: "Oh... I can take him in the car and he can wait for me."
*thinks seriously for a minute*
"My dress is PURPLE! Will the kids want to take my dress???"


Me: "How about you wear your black boots, they match better."
Evie: "But... these are PINK!" 

Thursday, October 23, 2014


I am not a fan of waking up.

I have never been an early riser nor have I ever been a morning person.

One thing I haven't appreciated so much about motherhood is the lack of sleep! Late nights, night wakings/feedings, and then on top of it all they wake you up at the crack of dawn!! And if you know anything about me, you should know that I love my sleep.

But then...

There's this:

Waking up to these smiling faces (that are just so darn happy in the morning!!) is the one thing that could possibly make it all worth it :)

Thursday, October 2, 2014

He Crawls!!!

He did it! He finally did it! He CRAWLED. Declan beat his sister's record by 4 whole days, lol!

I was just telling Karl how Declan had almost crawled that morning, trying to get to Evie's little magnetic princess paper doll (Princess Olivia), when he just up and did it!

This toy is major off limits for him, so of course it would be the one thing that could get him to crawl! lol! 

He still acts like it's some sort of punishment, or torture, but I have hopes that my little cheater baby will eventually see the usefulness of the whole crawling thing ;)

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Moving up in the world...

So, we've moved!

We've moved more than a few times in our marriage, but not since our babies came along! 

We were actually in the process of moving into our last apartment when we got those two little lines that meant Evie was about to become a reality (seriously, I took one test at our new apartment, and confirmed it with another at our old place while we packed more stuff!).

Our apartment on Cherry Lane is the only home either of my children has ever known!

Other than sentimental reasons and missing people in the ward, I can't say that I'm sad about leaving... It was a fantastic little apartment while I was pregnant with Evie, and even while she was little, but recently, it has been kind of a nightmare! With two kids and Karl working from home, our little two-bedroom place was QUITE the squeeze, but then we've had Graeme living with us since June-ish. Let me tell ya, that place was NOT meant to hold that many people!

We had no air conditioning, and with that many people, it was SO hot! Plus there's the fact that we had no dinning space/table, so our little living room/kitchen combo was kind of it. With Graeme sleeping on the floor in the living room, he was basically right in the middle of half our living space. It wasn't so comfy!

We are so much happier in our new place! We have three bedrooms, but soooo much more living space in general, and my little ones have a real table at which to eat their meals for the first time in their lives; I feel so civilized ;)

Moving was... horrible. I never want to do that again!! Lol! We've accumulated a lot of stuff, and with two little ones who constantly need something (Declan's been super clingy...), it was difficult!

It's just so much work!

Evie has been mostly ok with everything, and Declan, being only 6 months old, is pretty oblivious. As long as mommy is there, he doesn't much care where he is, haha! 

Evie has had a couple moments where she has just wanted to go back to the old house, but it's mostly when she's supposed to be going to bed. After we turn off the lights she'll ask why we moved here, and tell me she just wants to go to our old home. 

Most of the time she likes it here though. There are lots of little kids around, we have a playground and a pool, and a fenced area where she can play. I was a little worried about nursery, since she was not so happy about going alone at our last ward, but this ward has like a whole room full of toys! She walked in the first Sunday and was like, "ok... you guys can go", and when we tried to get her to leave she said she wanted to stay there forever.

The first little bit was overwhelming, with trying to get things unpacked and put away, recover from the move, and get everyone settled and back onto their schedules. I thought we were never going to figure it out! But things are getting put back together slowly, but surely, and we are so much more comfortable and so much less stressed now!

I don't know how long we'll be here, but we are so happy, we don't much care ;)

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Declan K. is 6 Months Today!

We've had half a year with this kid already, I can hardly believe it! 

I don't know why, but unlike with Evie where I was so devastated every time I realized she was growing up, I'm so excited for Declan to get bigger and bigger and do new and fun things (and so is he, lol)!

Since it's kinda like my thing now, let's just take a quick look back, shall we?

This is Declan six months ago! All 6 lbs 15 oz and 20 inches of my cute little string bean :)

And THIS is my handsome little man today:

Ahhh! He's so big, I love it :)

Declan now weighs a whopping 18 lbs 4 oz and is 27 inches long!

He's just getting his first teeth in, which means he's been SUPER cranky and unwilling to sleep at night, like at all... So mama is tired!

 Following almost EXACTLY in his big sister's footsteps, Declan decided at around five months that he NEEDS to walk. He's always grabbing our hands and trying to get us to stand him up, or climbing on things to get into a standing position. He's convinced that walking is the only way to go, which is incredibly sad because just before that he had started working on crawling! He was doing this cute little inchworm-army crawl-roll combo, and I was SO convinced he would go for it... but no, lol. He still rolls all over, which is something Evie never did. He now cries every time we put him in crawling position, but he's really close!

 At our 6 month appointment the doctor watched Declan walking around (holding our hands) and said he's very strong and his walking skills are advanced ;)

 Declan is really into his hands... Which sounds weird, but he just loves his hands! He'll sometimes just hold his hand in front of his face and open and close it and turn it back and forth. He likes to hold things and hand them back and forth between his hands (a trick he learned from Graeme). His fine motor skills are good, which I think I just notice because Evie had no interest in fine motor at all!

Speaking of Evie, he absolutely loves her. I love it when he looks at her and giggles, and she laughs so he laughs harder, and then they're both just looking at each other giggling hysterically.

He so wants to do what ever she's doing. He wants to run and play with her. He's not as driven, personality-wise as she was, but he is very determined to be able to do everything with her!

He also loves his uncle Graeme. He thinks he has really cool hair, lol. The first time Declan saw him after work in his subway clothes, visor/ponytail he looked at him like he was a stranger. As soon as Graeme put his hair down he got that huge grin on his face that he always gets when he sees Graeme.

Annnd speaking of strangers, he is starting to get stranger anxiety and is getting super clingy. Yay

He doesn't really babble yet, he just likes to make these yelling, squealing, and coughing noises. I know he can make other noises, he just doesn't want to I guess. 

Declan loves the "hushabye" song (our version of "All the Pretty Little Horses"), if he's fussing, resisting sleep, or waking from sleep and I sing it and he calms down. It's really amazing ;) I wonder if it's because we sang it so much while I was putting Evie to bed during those early months?

As far as personality goes, baby boy is happy and fairly calm. He's a silly little one, kind of shy, but loves to smile at people. He loves to stare at people with a huge grin on his face until they notice him and smile back, then he hides his face in mom's shoulder. It is pretty cute :)

Declan is a cutie, I am so grateful we have him in our family! These last 6 months have been extremely tough, exhausting, and difficult for me to figure out. I thought for sure that being an experienced mom now it would be easier this time around, but there are so many more challenges. I'm so happy that we have waded through the challenges though, because things just feel so much more complete with Declan in our lives. After Evie, I still felt like there was someone missing, and I'm pretty sure we've found him ;)

Love you, baby boy!

Friday, August 29, 2014


Evie has many nicknames for her brother: Deck, Deckal, Decken, Decko, Deckie, Decka-lolo etc.

One of my favorites is when he's "in trouble" and she yells, "deck-UH-lynn!"

On the other hand, her favorite is to call him either decka-lynn-uh or deckalina, which I'm sure he will appreciate greatly when he's older ;)

Anyway, this morning I ended up with both of them sleeping in my bed (I seriously don't even know when that happened), but Declan started stirring, and as soon as Evie heard him she popped awake to play with him. They were both so happy to see each other, it was adorable. She climbed right over me so she could see him and said, "good morning, Decalily!"

Lol, I almost wish Declan was a girl, that nickname is super cute.

I hope she always loves him this much :)