"Were you trying?"

My Spanish class my first semester at BYU was a very close group; we were a small group, and in small groups--as in small towns--your business is everyone else's business...

Anyway, one of the girls in the class got pregnant during the semester and it happened to come up in several conversations. Another girl asked her: "So, were you guys, like, trying?" and the pregnant girl's response was: "well, my husband and I like sex and we have a lot of it, so... it happens" (she was a very blunt person).  

The girl who asked was, of course, a cute, single BYU student whose parents probably never even mentioned the word "sex" to her and she was shocked and terribly offended. She just could not believe that some one would say something so vulgar. 

At the time I guess thought it was a bit of an odd response, but I didn't dwell on the situation much.

I remembered this story because recently one of my sisters said to me "when are you guys going to have a baby???" and I said, "we're working on it!" and my OTHER sister said, "EEEEWWW! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THAT!!". I thought it was terribly funny that my 15 year old sister was so grossed out by me simply saying that we were "working on it", but it also made me realize how personal questions like that are.

Back to the girl in my Spanish class...

When she asked "were you trying?", that was actually an incredibly personal question. It's almost like saying "so did you guys use a condom last time you had sex, or what?" or, "were you and your spouse having unprotected sex on a regular basis?"

Now, I'm sure most people don't mean it that way or even realize what they're asking, they're just curious and making small talk about the "joyous news". I also think it could be an appropriate question, depending on your relationship with the person being questioned.

I could be totally wrong about this, but I just think you need to know what you're asking... And maybe NOT ask the question unless you can handle the answer ;)