How NOT to Expect to be Expecting

As my mother very wisely taught me at a young age: Life sucks. And then you die. I'm actually not quite that pessimistic (and neither is my mom), but that saying just sums up my feelings today. I don't mean to offend anyone or make anyone feel bad, which is why I haven't really talked about this before, but I'm going crazy and I feel like I need to get it out there.

It's so hard living in a community where so many people are having babies and not being able to have one yourself. I've wanted a baby since we first got married two years, five months, 3 weeks, and one day ago. I've been hoping and praying to be able to get pregnant for a long time, and I feel kind of like a failure. It's so hard to congratulate friend after friend after friend, see the happy statuses on facebook, and see the pictures of ultrasounds and newborns all over the place. I have 37 friends on facebook that are around my age, got married either around the time I did or more recently, and have had at least one baby at this point (many are starting to announce the second round of baby making). There are about a dozen more that I'm just waiting for.

Anyway, yesterday I got another negative result on a pregnancy test and today I just feel like I can't handle things anymore. So, yeah, if I don't seem that excited about life, I'm sorry, I'm trying, but I'm having a hard time right now. If you recently got pregnant I am excited for you, although I may not be showing it very well, I promise I am excited and happy for you.


In other news, I've decided that I need to discover the secret to patiently waiting for a baby to come. When I find it I'm going to write a book and it's going to look something like this:

I'm sure there's some kind of copyright infringement here, but I'm not in the mood to care

Pancakes

Just have to say how awesome my hubby is :) This morning he had to get up early to pick up Christer from work, and instead of coming home and just crawling back into bed and sleeping til he had to get up for his shift, he stayed up and made me pancakes for breakfast. The cutest part about it was that he had to wait two hours for me to finally wake up, and he did so rather patiently :) He knows that the one thing in the world I love almost as much as I love him is my sleep, haha.

I'm happy that he worked so hard to make my day a good one, I really needed it. It's been a little rough lately. My health is not making things very easy in any aspect of my life or his. I'm feeling fat, tired, unmotivated to do anything (not good during a school semester), and crazy. There's so much I want to say, but so many things that are going on right now are either private or sensitive and it's driving me crazy! Anyway, I'm just grateful for pancakes tonight.

Bloody...

 

Yeah, I mean bloody quite literally, lol.  So my day today... I went to get my blood drawn by myself since Karl was working. Now, I've been getting my blood drawn on a fairly regular basis since I was 10 years old, so this was not a big deal for me, but it turned out to be more of an adventure than I planned.  I got my poke, filled my vials of blood, got taped up and the guy ushered me out the door.  I had to carry my jacket, my purse, and a book AND I was all by myself, so I couldn't keep pressure on my "wound", but I THOUGHT it was done bleeding so I went on my merry way.  When I got out to the car I realized I was bleeding all over and my puncture site was still like spurting :/ I was a little freaked out and thought about going back in to the clinic, but I felt dumb being all bloody and it was awkward because my hands were full and covered in blood.  So instead I just took pictures and sent them to Karl to freak him out too, haha.  It did stop pretty soon after I realized it, so it really wasn't a big deal, just messy.  I did get a pretty good reaction out of Karl though ;P