Declan is finally HERE!

As of 2:26pm on Monday, March 10th, Declan Kelsier Smith is officially on the outside... and we could not be more thrilled about it!

His timing couldn't have been more perfect; he came at exactly 39 weeks which happened to be the first day of daddy's spring break (just as I had been hoping and praying for), and my labor even started early in the morning, just like I'd been planning (for Evie's sake). He's already such an obedient child ;)

For about the last week I've been having more and more contractions. They seemed to be getting a little worse every day, but after my severe disappointment at my 38 week appointment (no progression from 37 weeks and stupid contractions all the time) I was trying not to hope. I did notice, however, over a couple of days, that I had started to lose some of my "baby sealant". That kind of got me excited... But I know it can still be weeks, so, blah.

Friday, we took Evie to the dino museum on a whim. I was feeling pent up /anxious and I think Evie was too, so we took a spontaneous family trip :) The whole time we were walking around the museum I was having some pretty good contractions that were a lot more "labor-like" in quality (...they hurt, lol). So, here I am thinking it's definitely coming, if not that day than maybe the next! Then we went home and nothing much more for the rest of the day.

SIGH

Saturday, the weather was fantastic (60's and sunny!) so we decided to take a walk to get us all out of the house. We walked all the way to campus and back (a huge feat for me at this point). I was so hoping for more contractions like the day before, but no... All that walking and I mostly just got INCREDIBLY sore (Oh! Remind me to tell the story of how I tried to run across the street at nearly 9 months pregnant... it was hilarious).

Sunday we didn't go to church. I was still sore from the day before and feeling pretty sick (did I mention I'd been sick for 8 weeks straight at this point?), Evie was coughing and had a runny nose, and I was just tired and out of it. Also, I had been having contractions all morning... They were regular and definitely the worst they had been yet (minus maybe the museum contractions). Once again, I was trying to convince my brain that this was nothing, but then I noticed some "show" and at that point all was lost. I tried to tell Karl that something might be coming, without committing to it since I hate to be wrong, haha, but looking back, maybe I could have been a little bit more firm with it, lol!

ALMOST 39 weeks :)

I spent a lot of the day trying to clean up a bit and get some last minute organizing/tidying done and I packed some stuff for Evie. There was a lot more I should have done, but I was half afraid to jinx it and then I was just tired and didn't want to over-do it, just to have it not be the real thing... So I think I skipped the dishes, didn't take the gross garbage out, and didn't pack a hospital bag, haha!

That night we watched some Walking Dead, I tried a couple labor inducing activities, I worked half-heartedly on some thank you cards, and went to bed WAY too late... Though, not nearly as late as Karl, but I digress 

Of course, by the time I fell asleep, the contractions I'd been having all day were nearly gone and I was starting to think I'd lose my mind if I had to go through this roller-coaster one more time.

At 3:45 Monday morning, Evie woke me up, and Karl was still on the computer... I told him to go to sleep, and went to take care of Evie and get her back in bed. I was feeling seriously irritated. I wasn't quite sure why, since I'm used to Evie getting me up in the middle of the night, and I was somehow not totally surprised Karl was still up (though he doesn't do that often, I'm sure he was thinking it was a great idea, seeing as it was the first day of his spring break). Anyway, I ended up lying down next to Evie to get her back down, and while there, I realized I was having contractions. 

Real ones... Painful ones...

They were about 7 minutes apart and they were very different in quality from the ones I'd been having before. 

This was finally IT, I just knew it!

I went back to bed with Karl and asked him if he was asleep yet. He wasn't, so I told him I was pretty sure I was in labor and that he should get as much sleep as possible ASAP. Which he did, WAY faster than I thought he would, considering I had just told him I was in labor. I tried to go back to sleep too. I figured that I must have been sleeping through contractions up until this point, so maybe I could do some relaxation stuff and get some more rest...

Hahahahaha... I'm funny.

I ended up in bed for probably a half hour worth of contractions and decided it was pointless. So, I got up, got myself ready between contractions, cleaned some more, got things ready, watched some early morning news show, and just worked through my contractions one at a time by myself.

At this point I was feeling very content, happy, and excited that it was finally happening, but still pretty relaxed. I was totally feeling all "earth-mother-y" and connecting with my baby and all that junk, as I worked through my contractions. 

I seriously felt like I was totally going to kick this labor things' butt.

Once again... HAHAHAHA.

By about 6am the contractions were starting to get tougher, so I finally attempted to wake Karl for some support, let my mom know this was probably it, and I texted my doula.

Anyway, when Karl got up he informed me that our car was on empty as of the night before, so I sent him out to get gas while I tried to print off our birth plan (which I'd planned to go over at our 39 week appointment, scheduled for 11:40 that day, lol), and get everything ready that I needed to take with us to the hospital. Yeah, we're awesome at being prepared ;) I must also mention that I had planned to pre-register at the hospital that day too... lol.

At 7am I finally called the doula and she headed down, and not too long after, we told my mom to come and we got Evie up. Poor thing was super cranky about being woken up! She was standing on her bed crying and moaning and groaning when I went in there, but as soon as Karl told her she was going to Grandmama's for the day because we were going to the hospital to get baby brother out, she perked right up! I asked if she wanted to get dressed and she said "yes!" and jumped right out of bed (definitely uncharacteristic of her, haha). Quickest mood turn-around she's ever had, I'm pretty sure.

Speaking of Evie, she was super cute while I was having contractions; everytime she noticed I was having one she would run over, hug me, and say "mommy needs hugs!" Not the most comfortable sometimes, but I loved it ;)

Stacey, our doula, arrived at around 8ish and my parents and Soni came not long after that. It was a little bit of a circus in our house with everybody here and Evie trying to grab some last minute toys to take with her, but it was fun... lol. Before they left, Karl and my dad gave me a blessing. I really don't remember what Karl said, except I do remember him saying that I would be able to ask for what I needed, which really stuck out to me at the time.

We worked through a bunch more contractions while Karl, my mom, and Stacey somehow got talking about vampire babies and Breaking Dawn, lol! 

I have to say, I really liked being able to have Karl physically support me more this time around. Being able to hug him or have him holding me during contractions was so nice. 

Anyway, at around 10ish, I was sitting on the couch leaning forward and hugging Karl during a contraction when I just started crying, for no good reason. I mean, it really hurt, but I was handling it just fine. I wasn't crying about the pain.

That's the point when we decided to make the trek to the hospital.

I bawled after every single contraction I had in the car, which was weird, because in between crying and contracting, my mood was totally fine! And, may I just say, contractions in the car stink.

We got to the hospital (where I had yet to register...) at around 10:30 ish and after a couple questions that I was not super in the mood to answer (lol... I was still crying between contractions), they brought me straight back to a labor room, got me a nurse and started getting everything set up! No triage for me, thank heavens, they decided I looked like I was in pretty active labor, lol!

Good ol' room 121

 Also, the room they brought me to just happened to be room 121... Which is where I had Evie! I thought it was pretty cool ;) Of all the rooms!

Since I hadn't registered, unfortunately, I got to sit there in bed for about a half hour, answering about a million questions while I was hooked up to the monitors to get a baseline and make sure baby was handling everything ok. I thought it was really interesting that I had been having intense contractions very close together, but the longer she asked me questions I literally watched as my contractions petered out. I've heard of that happening in all the natural birth books, but It was really interesting to experience it first hand. I wasn't quite sure whether I should be grateful for the break in contractions or incredibly annoyed at having my progress slowed down!! Either way, next time I'm going to be sure to register WAY ahead of time, lol.

Answering questions between contractions... Notice my hair is still in good shape at this point, lol.

When they first checked me at the hospital, I was at 5cm and nearly completely effaced. I had been  2cm and 70% a week before, and I'd like to think that I'd had some progress over that that week, but either way, I had dilated somewhere around 2 or 3 centimeters and done a little effacing in the 6 hours I'd been laboring so far. I will admit, I was a little disappointed with the progress I had made! With the way I was feeling, I was sure I'd be around 8cm! They checked me again like 30 minutes later and I was still a 5.

THAT really made me mad, because things started getting VERY intense as soon as they left me alone to get back to my laboring!

When they finally let me get up out of the bed (which was a horrible place to labor!!), the nurse, Lori (who was fantastic, by the way, total opposite of the last time around!) offered to get a birth ball for me and we tried that for a bit. It was a little awkward, and I don't think it worked quite as well as I would have liked, but I think that may be because it was kind of short! I don't think it was a good height for me.

After awhile of that, Stacey had me try standing and doing the "slow dance" thing with Karl, which I liked a lot, if only because it was one of the few times I could really be in close contact with him during the whole labor. Next time we do this I really want to work with Karl before hand so I can have him more involved. I think it really helped!

I really shouldn't have been frustrated about my progress, (this is why they tell you not to do cervical checks...) because things really WERE picking up speed. About an hour after they last checked, the midwife came in to check me again and I was at a 9 with a "bulgy bag"! 4 centimeters in about an hour and a half, when those first 2-3 took 6 hours!!

The midwife told us that we should break my water and I'd be pushing in no time!

I was hesitant to let her break my water at that point; it was something I had really debated all through my pregnancy, since that was when everything fell apart with Evie's birth. The midwife had said the exact same thing then too...

However, the promise of being able to get on with things was just too much for me and I agreed. The midwife "suited up" in prep for delivering this baby, and broke my water.

Now, this is how it was supposed to have gone: midwife breaks water, this causes baby's head to move down, engage more fully and put better pressure on the cervix, and therefore help to dilate that last centimeter much faster. And, when you get to a 10, theoretically, you're "ready" to push.

Sounds like a great plan, right?

This is what ACTUALLY happened: midwife broke my water, checked me, and I was suddenly at 8cm rather than 9... Baby's head did not engage when she broke my water because it was in the wrong position, and it had been my bag of waters that had been doing all the pushing on my cervix.

And I stayed at an 8 for more than an hour. 

The contractions were still super intense and I was still very much in transition (I even ended up throwing up a few times because it was so intense) but I wasn't making any progress. They made me stand up for a bit, labor in a "side lying" position for awhile, and then switched me to my other side, hoping to make baby move into the right position. Meanwhile, the midwife was getting more and more anxious and antsy.

Turns out, she had another patient about to deliver down at UVRMC, and she'd chosen to stay with me and broke my water because she thought I would go first... And then I stalled instead, completely ruining the plan.

This is the point where I started to feel a ton of pressure... And not from the baby. I swear, all I kept hearing was: "Do you feel like pushing?", "Let me know when you feel like pushing." or "Does it feel like he's moved down yet? Feeling any pressure?"

Why yes, yes I was. -_-

After waiting only about 20 minutes after breaking my water, the midwife started telling us she needed to start me on some pitocin. She told us that my contractions just weren't strong enough (HA, I say!), and the pitocin would make me finish dilating. I was NOT happy. At this point the contractions were so bad; I felt like I was breaking. I could barely handle the contractions as it was, so the thought of making them ANY harder was enough to make me want to just die.

After awhile of trying to passively put it off, Karl, who I could tell was getting a little angry at the midwife's attitude, finally told her that we really didn't want the pitocin and firmly asked if it was possible to wait an hour or so. This was one of my favorite parts of this labor; I loved how assertive he was on my behalf, even with an authority figure ;) She agreed, reluctantly, but we had to do an internal monitor  for me and baby and before she left she basically told us that if I didn't get the pitocin I'd be getting a c-section. She kept throwing out comments like "I'm just not happy with the way baby looks", but would tell us anything more definite than that.

Yeesh... Talk about pressure. I was stressed enough about the lack of progress on my own, but I'm super sensitive to other people's attitudes and emotions, and hers was REALLY not helping. Then throw in some threats of c-sections and my baby's health being on the line, and you've got me falling apart...

Anyway, on our own, we labored on. I kind of gave up mentally after awhile, I just laid there with my eyes closed, completely out of it between the super intense contractions (once the internal monitor was in, I had proof of how hard they were!). During contractions I begged for someone to help me and told everyone I couldn't do it. I was so tired!

Finally the midwife came back, and after about an hour and a half I had still made no progress.

The midwife at this point told us that we basically had to try the pitocin, and that's when I lost it. The midwife asked if I wanted drugs, and over the course of a few more super intense contractions (with no end in sight), I convinced my "team" that I needed an epidural. Unfortunately, the anesthesiologist had two patients ahead of me.

I was so mad.

They offered to give me a half dose of fentanyl in my IV, which I accepted. The nurse asked if I was feeling it yet, and all I could say was: "It still hurts! Why does it still hurt!?" To which she responded "Oh, it's just to take the edge off, it won't stop it from hurting, just help you relax a little."

 I was DOUBLE mad.

I felt so betrayed... lol. I was promised pain relief if I just gave into the drugs that I was trying so hard to avoid, and I didn't feel any better!!! It just made me feel a little sleepy...

She checked me right before she left to make sure I wasn't about to push, and since it didn't look like I wasn't going anywhere, the nurse and midwife both left to take care of some final prep while I waited for the epidural.

I suppose the drugs must have done something, because after a contraction or two, the doula finally convinced me to try getting on all fours and leaning against the head of the bed. She was really hoping to move me to a position to get baby where he needed to be, and hopefully I would be able to push before the anesthesiologist got there.

I'm so glad my awesome little team was still rooting for me and still trying to help me get that baby here with out the epidural, even though I had completely shut down mentally!

After being in that position for a couple contractions, I was feeling like pushing, FINALLY. I didn't even tell anyone, and when the midwife and everyone came back (right about then) I just started pushing. They moved me back to my side, and less than 10 minutes later, Declan was here!!!! 10 1/2 hours of labor, 4 of them at the hospital, he was finally here!!

Born at 2:26 pm, and weighing 6 pounds, 15 ounces, and 20 inches ;)

I am so thankful we had Stacey there, and that the anesthesiologist took so long!! I can't be sure, but I really think that had I gotten the epidural, I wouldn't have been able to move the right way to get him into the right position, so I would have ended up with the pitocin to get me to dilate. But, since he wasn't in the right position, I can see me still not dilating, and ending up with a distressed baby and quite possibly that c-section that had been hanging over my head...

I will say that I'm sure the midwife did have my baby's health and safety in mind, and I really liked her during our prenatal appointments, but I'm incredibly disappointed with how our birth went. It really wasn't the experience I had hoped for.

Evie's birth was so hard and, even though it was an incredible and empowering experience in the end, both Karl and I had some left over feelings that I was really hoping to heal/resolve with this birth. That didn't end up happening, and I'm so sad about it. Instead, this birth was much harder than Evie's and I feel like I've been left with a whole new, and much bigger, set of issues to deal with. It wasn't as empowering of an experience either.

On the bright side, I'm no longer afraid of the pushing stage, lol. It was hard, but so quick after the hours of pain, and I didn't need stitches!! Recovery this time around has been a million times better!

I am so glad to have him here and he is worth every minute of that labor experience; he is absolutely amazing! I love how from the minute he arrived, he belonged. From the first moment I saw him, I felt so strongly that he is and always has been mine and that he is such an important part of our family. It sounds so silly when I say it, but it's true, lol.

Welcome to our family Declan!!!