Surreality, Pt. II

Getting close to 16 weeks and I'm still having a hard time really connecting with this pregnancy... I can't seem to keep myself excited about the whole thing, because most of the time I don't even feel pregnant. It's not that I am not intensely aware of my many pregnancy symptoms or that I don't look extremely pregnant (the belly has more than definitely "popped"!), but I just don't relate it all to the fact that I'm pregnant. 

I want this baby and I'm happy for this pregnancy, but for some reason it just hasn't clicked in my head. I've even seen baby moving around in there and I haven't gotten it yet. I have an ultrasound pic of our little-one in a frame in our living room, but when I look at it I seriously could be looking at someone else's ultrasound, I really don't have any feelings there yet. 

My brain also really can't grasp the idea that I'm going to be a mommy (again) in just a few months! This time next year I'm going to have a toddler AND a baby, and it just doesn't seem real! I think I may be in denial, haha.

I'm trying to remember how things went with Evie, but maybe I'm comparing a little too much. I know that by the time we had her ultrasound and found out she was a girl, I had a pretty good "bond" with her, but I forget that wasn't until 20 weeks and that was right around the time I finally started feeling her move. This time around I got to see baby so much earlier and haven't felt any movement so far. I'm thinking that's when it's really going to hit me. 

The other problem I think I'm having is that I just don't have the mental energy to spend on this pregnancy that I did with Evie's. I have to devote most of my brain power to the child who needs (sooooo much of) my active attention, plus there are so many "family issues" that are taking up my attention (well, stress), so I really don't have much to spare for daydreaming and bonding with the kid who doesn't remind me he/she is there every two seconds.

We've got two ultrasounds coming up in the next few weeks, so hopefully we'll get to know a little more about who this little person is, and I'm hoping to start feeling him/her soon!

I'm sure that in the next month or so reality will finally set in, to some extent, I just feel a little bit like a terrible mom in the mean time!