Why?

Why do I return? 

Over and over and over again...

Why search for something that never existed here to begin with?

Most of the time I don’t even realize what I’m doing.   

My consciousness can't admit to it.  

Yet a part of me knows...   

Some small piece of me watches as I compulsively beg for connection, approval, acceptance... anything.  

The only honest bit of me is the one I can't bear to face.