Rather Run When You Can't Crawl...

My sweet little baby took her very first step the other day, so I figured maybe it's time to record the leaps and bounds she's been making lately!  That little girl has no time to sit stil... She is so incredibly driven and determined, it's crazy!  While I love her fiery personality, I'm also a little sad that my baby girl is skipping though all these milestones and trying so hard to become independent so quickly! 

Anyway...  Back around the time she was 3 months old, I thought she was going to be one of those kids who would be content to just sit.  She had NO interest in rolling over... like none...  She hated tummy time, so we didn't do a lot of that, and she just did not seem motivated to move in general.  She could roll over both ways before she was 4 months, but she absolutely refused to do it ever.  She loved being on her back looking around at everything; and you could just tell by looking at those calculating little eyes, that she was making big plans for mischief.  She had such an intent and thoughtful look in her eyes all the time, like she was just taking in everything and learning all she could about the world around her.

Look at those cheeks!!

Then, at about 4 and 1/2 months, she started sitting up.  She was still knocking herself over at this point though (she never did a tripod sit or used her arms to prop her, it was all or nothing with her, haha), so she needed a lot of pillows and supervision ;).

Cutie!!!!

At around 5 months she was able to sit completely unassisted and not fall over, even when she was reaching for things and playing with toys.  At 6 months she figured out how to get from lying down to sitting up by herself, and FINALLY rolling over became important to her because she needed it to change positions.  So suddenly she was rolling like a champ... Silly Monkey!

Little problem solver/maker... lol

Another thing that happened at 5 months was that she suddenly, for some reason, became obsessed with standing up and walking!  I have no idea what made her so intent on the idea that walking was the only way to go... but she has been incredibly persistent!

"Look at what I can do!"

I was worried that she was never going to crawl because she was so insistent that she wanted to be standing up ALL the time.  We couldn't get her to even try getting on her hands and knees.  It has been the biggest struggle to convince her that crawling would get her where she wanted to go much sooner.  We worked and worked and worked with her on the crawling, and finally her auntie convinced her to crawl by tempting her with pudding!  So she finally started crawling 4 days before she turned 7 months old.

And here we are... She is crawling like crazy (I can't keep her out of anything!!), but she still hasn't given up on her walking aspirations.  About a week ago she started really working on standing up by herself, she figured out how to cruise on furniture, and 3 days ago (at 7 and 1/2 months) she took her very first step!!

So much more trouble to get into now!!!

She's up to 2 steps now before she totally loses her balance, and I seriously can't even believe that she's already trying to walk... I thought I had a few more months, but my baby is determined to grow up super quick!!  I kind of miss the little bitty baby who was completely dependent on me... Not that she isn't still completely dependent on me, she just doesn't realize it anymore, lol!!

(PS, 10 points to whoever can get the reference in the title!)

I Hate Monday Mornings...

Ever had one of those days where you've popped awake, looked at the clock, and realized you've slept through your alarm and have woken up 30 minutes late? Have you then, groggily, run around the house trying to get ready--all the while cursing the extremely short weekend and the lack of motivation that left you with no clean clothes to wear to work?  And THEN (with an intense feeling of stress) have you quickly done most of your make-up, gotten half dressed in whatever clothes you could find, grabbed your cell phone that you left charging in the other room, glanced at it...

and suddenly come to the realization that it's Sunday morning, not Monday morning?

And then of course, have you quietly crawled back into bed (where your husband is still blissfully snoring) and tried really hard to pretend that you've been sleeping the whole time while you wait for your alarm to ACTUALLY go off in an hour for church?

Yeah...

Me neither...

Subway Art... Need Help!

Okay, here is my attempt at some "subway" ish art for Evie's room... The room that she doesn't have yet, lol.  Anyway, I'm not sure I really like it yet (it's not quite perfect!), so if anyone has any input on colors, sizes, or fonts, PLEASE help me out, haha!!  I'd like to put it in a fancy gray frame :)

Top Ten Things You Should Know About Me :)

I have been feeling the need to write this for a long time, but I am just now having the guts to actually put it down in words (I just sound like such a crazy person when it’s all put into one place!!).  I have a lot of issues, and I know it, I guess I just want other people to be able to understand some of my eccentricities so they don’t get the wrong idea about me… Or maybe the wrong idea is better than the truth... I don't know!

    
     Anyway, here are the top ten things I think everyone should know about me:

1. I am a quiet person in general.  One of my closest friends thought I was a snob when she first met me, because I’m quiet.  Numerous people have thought I hate them... because I’m quiet.  I don't make friends easily because I'm just too quiet.  Usually the quietness stems from the fact that I’m tired and my brain doesn’t form usable sentences when I lack energy.  The rest of the time I just don’t know what to say.  I’m not great at conversation, but I love to listen and be supportive, with whatever problems or ideas you want to send my way.
2. I am not a morning person and I really like my sleep.  Wake me at your own peril, lol!  No matter how fun the activity, I probably won’t want to be involved if it means being up and about before ten in the morning. 
3.  I like making plans... Well, actually, I need things to be planned.  I don’t like spontaneity, which is a cause for great contention in my marriage, as Karl doesn't like anything BUT spontaneity--he thinks planning too much takes the fun out of life.  For me, though, not having a plan makes me anxious to the point of psychosis (or nearly so, anyway).  I get very stressed out when things are sprung on me, even if they should be easy and enjoyable things.  I like to have a plan at least a day in advance, which I know most people don’t understand, but it’s something I need.  If you would like to hang out with me, the best thing to do is to say “hey, would you like to hang out tomorrow (or give me a day, like “Wednesday”) evening and do _______?”  This helps me plan and prepare mentally, and I feel a lot better and am a lot less likely to freak out and just not respond to you.
4. I hate talking on the phone.  Calling people causes me great amounts of anxiety and I may not answer your phone calls.  I really prefer texting, I have unlimited texting, so feel free to text me, email me, or leave me a voicemail if you really need me.
5.  I don’t keep my phone with me at all times.  I don’t have a smart phone, I just do silly things like texting and calling on my phone, so I usually leave it somewhere (while I'm chasing an extremely active baby all over the house) unless I need to do one of those two things. I really am sorry if I don’t get back to you right away.
6. I tend to forget to text people back.  I’m not ignoring you, I’m just busy, at work, my baby is trying to help me text, or I fell asleep and forgot!  Please feel free to bug me again. I am superly sorry if this offends anyone.
7. I am an introvert.  While you may think this means I’m shy (which I am…), what it really (also) means is that being around a lot of people is draining for me.  I like hanging out with a couple of close friends at a time.  I don’t like crowds of people (and by this I honestly mean like 3+), and I don’t like being around people for long periods of time (like more than a couple of hours).  I need time to recharge after seeing people.  I need alone time just for myself.  I’m finding that I really even need alone time from Evie too, which is a hard thing to do.
8. I get embarrassed easily and I stay embarrassed for a long time.  I don't like situations that can be potentially embarrassing, and I don't like other people to be embarrassed.  I'm actually overly empathetic, which sounds like it should be a good thing, but I end up doing things like feeling really embarrassed or guilty FOR other people... It's kind of sad.
9. I like to listen, but I have a really hard time sharing.  I am very happy to listen to problems, I don’t get weirded out by odd questions, problems, or stories--I am a health person (which covers everything from child development/heath, to sexual relationships/heath, to psychology, to weird diseases, to behavior change), so I’m not too surprised by most things, and I generally won’t judge you ;)  I am, however,  a little reluctant to share.  Part of that is just not knowing how to express myself the way I want to (see #1), part of it is a trust thing, and part of it is that I don’t have much to talk about aside from my craziness and my adorable baby… and I figure people get tired of those topics :)
10. I have a lot of health problems (I promise, I'm not a hypochondriac), and I have a hard time doing things that take a lot of activity or last a long time (I know, I feel like an old lady most days).  I also don’t have a lot of energy because of some of my health problems, which is another reason people think I hate them.  When I don't have energy I will often zone out and stare off into space, or have a blank to unhappy look on my face, which makes it seem like I'm disinterested, grumpy, sad, etc., when in actuality, I just don't have the energy to do anything with my face or to be involved very actively in the conversation.

Like I said, I know I have issues.  I'm trying to work on most of them, but I've got to admit, I'm not making a lot of progress very quickly, and some of those things are just never going to change about me.  I want to have friends and a social life (even if it really doesn't seem like, after reading all that), so if you still think you can handle me knowing how crazy I am, I would love to be friends with you :)

My Father's Day Post (a little late...)

Evie loves her daddy.  She always has.

This morning she woke up early and I wasn't ready to get out of bed, so I just sat her between us and let her play while I laid there.  Evie (who has suddenly decided that if she can't crawl or walk she's going to roll, climb, and dive enough to make up for it) was only content with sitting still for about five seconds.  She kept climbing all over Karl saying "dad dad dad dad dad daddaddad".  He was sleeping, and I kept trying to get her to play with me, but she wanted to play with DAD!!  It was the sweetest thing ever.  I know she's not really old enough for "dadadadadad" to mean much, but it was still INCREDIBLY cute.  It kinda reminded me of THIS morning, oh so long ago! 

The other evening I was at my wits end trying to get Evie to take a nap (which has been a huge pain lately), and I finally just gave up and handed her to Karl.  He proceeded to walk around the dark bedroom bouncing my naughty little girl.  This is the conversation they had:

Evie: bababababgugugumemememe

Karl: Yeah, you're so right!  Sleeping is for noobs!!!

Evie: Uhbuhuhbuhbabababa

Karl: Seriously!  Let's never sleep ever again, sleeping is so stupid.  We're not tired.

Evie: ungee ungeedadadadadada

Karl: I know, we should make a club, we're not going to sleep!  And we're DEFINITELY not going to fall asleep in the next five minutes!!!

Evie: Dadad bebebebebe gaga.....*silence*


Sometimes it annoys me that daddy gets to be the best friend and mommy has to do the mean stuff... but at the same time they are just so darned cute together!!  I love them.  I love what an incredibly loving, sweet, and gentle daddy Karl is.  I couldn't have chosen a better father for my children, I am so grateful for him!!  I love those two so much!!

My SIX MONTH old!!!!

Yup, you heard me right, I have a six month old!!!! Can you believe it??  'Cause I can't!!

Here she is six months ago, all 6 lbs 3 oz, 19 inches of her :)  She was such a pretty, chill baby!  All the nurses kept telling us how incredibly beautiful she was, and how good she was in the nursery!  She barely cried, we actually had to force her to eat on a schedule because she wouldn't cry about anything until it was an absolute emergency, lol!  Of course we have since had our share of bad days (and weeks), but she actually was a very happy baby.  She was so itty bitty! I kind of miss Newborn Evie, 

but....

I LOVE Six Month Old Evie :)  How could you not love this face??  She's such a character!!

Evie is now 16 lbs 3 oz, and 25 inches long.  She loves to babble and jabber and squeal (she is not hesitant to share her emotions)!  She makes so many different noises now, she actually sounds like she's talking... Maybe not in English, but still.  

She's been sitting by herself for about a month now, and has moved on to climbing. She's trying so hard to stand up and walk that she's driving mommy and daddy absolutely nuts!  She will use anything to try to pull herself into a standing position, even though she's not really big enough to stand, even when holding on.  She absolutely hates being on her tummy and has just recently started to even consider the idea of crawling.  She wants to be a big girl and walk like mom and dad, crawling is for babies, lol!

She has also just recently started eating solid food, which she has been DYING to do since she was about 4 months old!  So far we've let her have rice cereal and sweet potatoes (ok, and maybe some pizza crust)

The last six months have been a crazy ride!!  Breastfeeding was an incredible challenge, we've had tummy issues and sleep problems galore!  But even though it has been the most challanging, difficult, and occasionally frustrating and annoying undertaking of my life, I can honestly say that I love it.  I have never been happier than I have since Evie came into my life.  I love her so much, and somehow--even though he's now sharing the attention--I love Karl even more than I ever thought imaginable.  Motherhood is an amazing experience that I would not trade for anything in the world.  
I love my baby girl!

Wiggle-Worm

So, in church yesterday I was observing my visiting teaching companion's baby.  She is 3 weeks younger than Evie-Cakes, and superly cute!

What I've noticed, in the few months that I've known her, is that she has a MUCH different disposition than my child.  I've been thinking this whole time that maybe it's just 'cause she's younger, and that as soon as she caught up to where Evie was, she would act similarly... But it's not looking like it, lol!  I watched as this cute little girl just sat through sacrament meeting and sunday school, reclining in her daddy's arms, silently taking in the world around her.  Every once and a while she would quietly babble and so her dad would stand up with her. 

At least I THINK that's what I saw. 

I couldn't tell you for certain because at the time Evie was trying her best to give me shaken-mommy-syndrome. 

I can not remember the last time that Evie would let us put her in an even slightly reclined position... Even before she started sitting up she NEVER wanted to be down!  Evie spent sacrament meeting, talking, bouncing, wiggling, trying to pull herself into a standing position using my hair and my shirt, grabbing everything in sight, and trying to eat whatever she could get her mouth on.  Then she passed out half-way through sunday school to recharge for another hour of fun!

All in all, I think it's safe to say she is her daddy's daughter.

I love that she is so active, but it does kind of make me wonder what it would be like to have such a mild mannered baby!  I'm honestly a little nervous about my future with this little bouncing ball of energy (heaven help me when she learns to crawl!!!), but at least I know it's definitely not going to be boring ;)

For Fathers of Unborn Children: the Complete Guide to a Happier Spouse

 

Dear fathers of unborn children.  Your wife is pregnant.  Please cut her some slack.  In fact, please cut her as much slack as is humanly possible.  In the first three or four months the fact that there is a little tiny person taking over your wife’s entire life might be completely incomprehensible to you (and heck, you may even be in denial), but it’s something she is reminded of every second of every day.  

Have you ever had another person decide to take up residence in your body (which you’ve had to yourself for 20 odd years) and suddenly start calling all the shots?  Well let me tell you, for the first bit it’s kind of like having the worst roommate ever.  Chances are, your wife is feeling sick, puking, not feeling like eating even if she can, having a lot of mood swings (no, she can’t control them), has to pee all the time, and is extremely tired.  There are a few variations, and some women have it easier than others, but a good rule of thumb is to treat her as if this is the case.

So, since I hear guys aren’t mind readers, here is what you need to be doing:

·       

•  If you know what your wife likes when she isn’t feeling great, do it.  LOTS of it.  Unless she says otherwise.  Some good ideas are foot/back massages, watch her favorite movie with her, cuddle on the couch and talk, buy her flowers unexpectedly, write her a note, etc.

• Be willing to talk about the baby and the pregnancy, in fact, be the one to bring it up.  Talk to her about the future, how she feels about the pregnancy, etc.  Most likely she’ll do a lot of the talking, but it will mean a lot to her that you’re showing interest.

•  Chances are, if your wife does certain things to make you feel better when you are sick, she’ll be happy to have you do the same for her.  Think really hard about how you like to be taken care of while you’re sick, or things that you liked your mother to do back in the day, and do it for your wife!

• Be really patient and remember, she isn’t feeling great even if you can’t really see it all the time.

• Offer to let her take a nap.  (This is in bold because I think it's super important!!!).  If she has chores she needs to do or dinner to make, offer to do them for her so she can take a nap.  If she tries to refuse, insist (lovingly).  This is especially crucial if you already have a child, offer to take him/her out of the house for an hour or two so she can get some rest without hearing her child in the background.  Mommies have a hard time taking a break if they are constantly reminded that their child might need them.

•  Please be sympathetic.  It’s a lot like having a mild case of the flu for three-ish months, I’m assuming you’d be pretty cranky if you were in her place.

•  Be sympathetic to her mood swings.  Her hormones are seriously running the show at this point, if she gets cranky at you, say you’re sorry for making her upset, offer to talk about how she’s feeling, and ask if there is anything you can do for her.  If she bursts out crying unexpectedly, just hug her and tell her you love her.  In general, it’s not a good idea to ask her what’s wrong, because she might not know, and that might just make her cry more.  I know this sounds like I’m asking a lot, but the most important thing you can do is to act sympathetic and caring, even when she’s acting crazy.  You are a manly man, I know you can do it.

• If there is something that she says she wants to eat, get it for her, quick!!  If your wife is one of the (un)lucky ones who can barely eat during the first part of her pregnancy, it’s really important to get her anything she thinks she can/wants to eat when she says she wants to eat it.  Important tip, she may not want it for long, so do your best to get it soon, or figure out what the next craving is.

• Tell her often how much you love her and how much you appreciate the sacrifice she’s making to bring your baby into the world!

•  Bottom line?  Be willing to make a lot of concessions for her for the next several months, pregnancy doesn’t last forever, just hold on and try to make it the best experience possible.

You may think I'm absolutely crazy, so you'll just have to trust me on this one.  I know this sounds like a lot to put on your plate, especially if you’re working or going to school full time (or both!!), just know that it will be soooooo worth it!  You don’t have to do all of it at once either, just make an effort, and I promise it WILL pay off.

Back to Business

After about five months of being home and giving Evie my complete and undivided attention, it's time for me to go back to work (ish)!

Today I started my internship with Welcome Baby (an awesome program through UnitedWay), which I'm super excited about, but having to leave my baby (who still wants to eat every 2 hrs) everyday is definitely nerve-wracking!!  I was nervous this morning, but I ended up coming home to a super happy baby who really enjoyed her morning with daddy :)  That was a little surprising.  I was really expecting a baby who desperately wanted to eat, and needed her mommy, but when I walked in she just looked at me, got a huge grin on her face and went right back to playing. lol.

Something else that kind of surprised me was how much I enjoyed being away from her.

Don't get me wrong, I love her, I love being a mom, and I did miss her, but it was so incredibly nice to just be me again!  I'm no longer a "me"; motherhood has totally and completely transformed me into a constant "we".  I sometimes feel like I'm nothing more than Evie's porter, chair, bed, entertainment center, jungle gym, pacifier, security blanket, and food supply. 

While I was gone I didn't have much of a chance to think about her, and knowing she was at home in good hands left me free to get back to being a real person again!  It was kind of amazing.  I seriously recommend new mommies (or any mommy) get some time out of the house to just do the normal stuff they used to do!  Even if it's just an hour a week to take a community class, or work out, or something, it's so good to have a tiny part of your life that's not totally centered on that little one.

I am still kind of nervous since I'll be leaving her for a few hours a day, and I can't wait to get back to her full time, but I think this is really going to be a good experience for all of us :)

Evie May is 2 Months Today!!

Yikies!!! Where on earth has the time gone??  I feel like I'm in some kind of strange limbo, stuck in my house with my baby, where time doesn't even exist.  Yet somehow outside the days are flying by us at the speed of light!  My little tiny baby is growing by leaps and bounds (she's now my chunky little baby, lol)!!

Evie absolutely adores her daddy! When he leaves her sight she automatically tilts her head back as far as she can to try and find him (she's learned which direction he usually goes when he disappears), it is so sweet :)  The other day he was playing with her while she was laying on our bed and he decided to trick her by ducking down by the side of the bed.  As soon as she couldn't see him anymore she started moving her head towards the bedroom door trying to follow him out of the room!

Her favorite game right now is "Where's Evie's Nose??" and she loves eating her hands!  She recently figured out how to get them into her mouth, and she's always sucking on them!  She would rather have her hands than a pacifier.  I'm not sure if I like this idea, because suddenly she's drooling everywhere, but she's very content!

 

She's getting more and more social everyday!  I love talking to her because she makes so many different little sounds now, she's a sweetie!  I keep trying to catch her little social moments on camera, but she gets so fascinated by the camera that it doesn't work very well, haha.

Free Money... (I'm not even joking, or trying to scam you!)

 Okay, I really need to finish that last blog post (yeeeah, just remembered I didn't quite finish...), but I have so many new and important things to say, and this is one of them!

Since Evie was born, I don't have a lot of time to do much of anything... But while I'm nursing her I can generally kind of one-handedly use my laptop (makes typing this pretty difficult!).  Anyway, I've discovered a couple of sites that I really love and I just thought I would share!!  I timed myself once, and it only took me about 15 minutes to do my "routine" on both of these sites, and I'm making money (really, I'm totally not joking)!

 

 

The first one is Swagbucks.com.  On this site you just sign up for an account and then every time you do a search using their search bar, you have a chance to win "swagbucks".  I also do other things on their site to get swagbucks, like take their daily poll, watch swagbuck tv (random 2 minute videos on various topics), skip through their daily offers, use swagcodes, and I occasionally complete an offer or two that I feel I can commit to (like "liking" something on facebook, or starting a fb game).  This is all totally free (it's basically like they're paying you to look at ads), and you can redeem your swagbucks for prizes!

 
The prize I like the best is the $5 Amazon gift card.  It takes 450 swagbucks to get one, and it's awesome!  I've been a member since October, I think, and I've almost got enough points to get my 8th gift card!  I can then use my gift cards for things that I need, or I can just feel like I have a few extra dollars to spend on me!

Second site I like is the Superpoints Network.  I don't like it quite as much as Swagbucks, because I feel like there aren't as many good/easy ways to get points, but it's another way to build up my gift card supply!  On this site you need an invite to make an account, but after that you have a certain number of "clicks" for the superlucky button.  Every time you click you have a chance to win points!  When you first sign up you only have 5 clicks per day (pretty hard to get much with just that), so make sure you complete your profile to get 30 clicks.  If you invite 2 friends and get them to join you get 50 clicks, and if you invite 5+ you get 100 clicks per day.  I've heard some people have even enlisted their kids to do the clicking!  Anyway, the other way I get points with this site is with their emails.  They send an email about once a day and you just click the link and you get some points!  It costs 500 points to get a $5 Amazon gift card with Superpoints.

Like I said, it only takes me about 15 minutes to do my whole little routine, and I'm getting money out of the deal!  I think it's way cool, and I wanted to share with all my favorite people!!  If you want to try either of these sites out, feel free to use my links (I will admit I that I want you to use my links because I will also benefit that way)! And, if you want any help figuring out how to use them/get the most points, let me know!  I'd be glad to help you!!

The first link will give you 25 extra points for signing up, but it can only be used by one person and only has one day left:

Join Superpoints! (25 bonus points)

Join Superpoints!!

 Join Swagbucks!!

Evie's Blessing Day

Today we blessed our beautiful little Evie May, and it was wonderful!  Karl and I had both been stressing about this day for awhile now (for various reasons), but it turned out so perfectly. Evie wore a beautiful blessing gown that her great-grandma Ingrid made and that had been worn by her Aunties before her.  Evie's daddy was able to give her a name and a very sweet and special blessing, and we were able to share this experience with so many of our family members.  Evie and I are lucky to have so many worthy priesthood holders and loving family members in our lives.  

 

 

So... I'm a Mommy!

As of Thursday, December 8th, at 11:45 am, I am officially a mommy!  Evie May Smith was 6 lbs 3 oz, 19 inches, and the most adorable thing I've ever seen :)

I really can't believe it's been a month already!!! To be completely honest, I'm still stuck somewhere in early-mid December, lol!  I just thought it might be time to FINALLY write down my birth story (now that bebe is over a month old!).

So, December 7th, after school Karl and I went in for my 40 week (and one day) appointment at 3 o'clock in the afternoon.  The midwives were really concerned about the incredibly awful rash I developed all over my body and really wanted to induce me, but they said my bishop score (cervix position, dilation, effacement, and baby's position) wasn't high enough--which was probably a good thing, because as much as I didn't want to induce, I was EXTREMELY miserable and in no position to resist the temptation! Anyway, they swept my membranes and sent me over to the hospital to do another non-stress test and more blood work (they were really hoping to find some reason to induce me).

Now, Karl and I were both running on very little sleep at this point--between my itching and all the final projects and studying keeping us up all night, we were completely worn out that day! We were half falling asleep the whole hour long wait at radiology for our ultrasound (the results of which were "Everything looks great! Baby is fine!") AND during the two hours we spent in labor and delivery hooked up to monitors and waiting for test results (just to be told "You're fine! Baby's fine!").  After all that we didn't get home until 7 o' clock... Which was really frustrating because both Karl and I had a TON to get done for the next day--Karl had several huge sections of math homework due and two tests to study for, and I had to compile/edit a final group paper and prepare a presentation for Thursday morning (yes, this is our combined procrastination at its finest!). All in all a very frustrating afternoon.  On the bright side though, we did get to see our cute little monkey on the inside one more time!

Look at that cutie! You can even see her fuzzy little head!

Anyway, after all our adventures at the hospital we rushed home and dove into all our homework head first!  At around five-ish I had started having contractions, but they were about the same as the ones I'd been having off and on for over a week (regular, close together, but mostly just uncomfortable), so I wasn't too excited about it (although I was REALLY hoping something was happening!).  They did keep going though, and by 10 o'clock they were moving past the uncomfortable stage into the painful stage--they hurt just enough to be distracting from my loads of homework I needed to get done!!  Around that time my parents came over and my dad and Karl gave me a blessing so that I'd be able to get through my homework and not be too uncomfortable (at this point I was still not getting my hopes up for labor--too many nights spent with contractions to be very optimistic!).

Karl and I both finished/gave up on our homework at about 2:30 in the morning.  I emailed the my powerpoint presentation and the final paper to my group-mates and we headed to bed. 

Ok, here's the weird thing, right about the time I FINALLY got in bed and started trying to go to sleep, my contractions completely stopped for about fifteen minutes... Then suddenly they hit me like a freight train!  They were suddenly INTENSELY painful and really close together!  I tried really hard to just stay in bed and relax (since everything I had read said to try to stay home as long as possible), but I couldn't keep quiet, lol!  Karl woke up with all my groaning, I told him to go back to sleep, buuuut with my contractions about three minutes apart and pretty dern painful, he kind of ignored me, popped out of bed and started running around trying to time contractions, emailing my group to let them know I would probably be missing our presentation, and taking our stuff out to the car.

I texted my mom, called the midwife, and we finally decided it was time to go.

We got to the hospital around 3:30 am and I got to sit in the little triage room for an hour while they checked my progression.  Luckily I went from a 3 to a 4 in the hour I was there (yay!), so they let me stay.  I was so terrified that I wouldn't be progressing and they would send me home, so I was overjoyed with the news!

The nurse came in to move me to the labor/delivery room and the very first thing she said to me was, "when would you like to start your drugs?"  That question actually made me pause, and the thought flashed through my mind, "if this isn't even the worst part, maybe I should get those drugs...", but luckily for me my mom sensed my hesitation and was there to tell her that I didn't want anything.  When my mom said that, the nurse was pretty grumpy, she started talking about other drugs other than an epidural, but my mom said we were ok.  I was pretty taken aback by her reaction to me wanting to go un-medicated, and to be honest, I was really hoping for a shift change and a new nurse.  I just didn't like how negative she was being and I really didn't want to have to deal with that for however many more hours this whole thing took... But more on that in a minute ;)

As soon as they would let me, I got into the bathtub which, I have to say, was an absolute life saver!  The contractions were much easier to handle in the water, it was loverly.  I spent most of my labor in the tub, I didn't really realize it (my sense of time was sooo off during this whole process), but I was actually in there for hours!  I kept having to have Karl put more hot water in because it would get cold.  My mom knelt by the tub and she would put her hand on my forehead and either she or Karl would be holding my hand.  That kept me kind of grounded and kept me from getting overwhelmed by each contraction. Between contractions my mom and I just talked, which is what we always do.  My mom and I can talk for hours on end, so I really think that helped the time pass for me.  I could not have done it without my mom; Karl and I are so grateful that she was there to help us get our bitty baby into the world!  I feel really bad that she had to spend so many hours kneeling on the bathroom floor for me, but I'm so thankful she was willing to do it!!

The nurse (the mean one), came in a couple of times and it was interesting, because as she watched me (and my "team") labor, she really changed her attitude.  One of the times she came in she told us how impressed she was by how well we seemed to have things down, especially since this was my first labor.  It was weird to see her change so completely from this almost resentful "you're-going-to-be-so-much-more-work-for-me-because-you-won't-take-the-stupid-drugs" attitude, to one of respect for what I was doing and how well   I was doing it (not trying to toot my own horn or anything, haha).

Anyway, I have heard people describe contractions as waves; they aren't just sudden attacks of pain, they start small and get worse and worse, peak, then they back off.  I never really understood that metaphor, I mean, it makes sense, but I didn't really understand it until I lived it.  I felt like with each contraction I had to stay "on top" of the wave/pain by keeping myself as relaxed as possible through the whole thing and letting my body do its work.  The minute I started to tense up I would start to get overwhelmed and I felt like I was drowning in the pain.  As I got closer to transition there were so many times when I would sit there through a contraction saying "I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't", but my mom would reassure me and talk me through it, and I would change my "chant" to "I can, I can, I can".  I don't feel like I could ever really explain the labor experience to those who have not done it, but as strange as this all sounds, it makes perfect sense to me, haha!  As bad as it all was, I really felt like I could stay on top of it and that I could do it through this entire stage of labor.  I feel like I got into a groove and we just pushed along for a few hours in the tub... Then came the point when I started feeling completely overwhelmed by each contraction...  I'm so glad that I knew enough to realize (when gently reminded, because I was kind of out of my right mind) that I was in transition, which is the shortest phase and so I was getting close to being done!!

The midwife finally came in and checked me and they decided that I would probably be completely dilated and ready to push if they broke my water.  So they got me out of the tub (boo!!!!) and into the hospital bed and broke my water.  Pretty quickly after that I was seriously in the most intense pain EVER.  The midwife thought she would help me out by pushing on my knees, which some women find helpful, but it like instantly made everything ten times worse.  I think it really says something about my personality that even with that much pain I let her do it through a whole contraction and a half before basically squirming up the bed and asking her to stop... Because I didn't want to offend her, haha!! Interestingly enough though, even in transition, we were still joking around and everyone thought it was funny that I was still able to smile between contractions.  At least one book I read told me that I shouldn't go to the hospital until I could no longer smile in between contractions; if I'd gone with that advice I wouldn't have left my house until I was completely dilated!!

Yes, this is an actual picture of me during transition... Thank you paparazzi Karl ;)

And then the pushing started... Which I have to say was the WORST part of the whole experience.  This was the only other time during my whole labor that I even thought about drugs... and even then it was a regretful "dang it, can't get drugs now... I guess I'm just going to have to die".... Haha.  One of the things I would really like to do differently next time is to NOT be lying on my back while I push.  That was one thing I did have in my "unofficial birth plan", but they had me lying down for some reason, and I was so out of it by that time, I didn't even think to ask to change positions.  

Pushing was SO hard.  

Some women like the pushing part because they feel more in control, but I really had a hard time with it.  I felt a constant urge to push, there weren't really any breaks, so while everyone was trying to coach me in my pushing, I was having a terrible time.  I pushed for I think around 40 minutes to an hour and Evie was just taking her time, not wanting to come down the birth canal, and she ended up "crowning" for what felt like a MILLION years.  Her head kept coming out little by little and then moving back... Extremely frustrating!  I remember exclaiming (very exasperatedly), "WHY WON'T SHE COME OUT???".  Everyone kept reassuring me that she was coming, but I just knew that she was never coming out, they were going to have to cut me open or something, because there was just no way that baby was ever coming out!!

 By the end I was so tired (I'd been up for over 24 hours at this point) and I kept hyperventilating so I ended up with an oxygen mask, and they tried to put a monitor on Evie's head to keep an eye on her, but she  had so much hair it didn't work!  By this point, I really had no idea who was in the room, I vaguely remember looking over at Karl who I could tell was having a hard time watching me in so much pain, but I really could have cared less who was down there catching the baby.  I know there were about 6 people in the room (including my mom and Karl), but the only one I really remember was that nurse.  Yes, the mean one I wanted to leave when I was first admitted.  She kept me focused on her face and kept telling me to breathe and when to push.  I don't think I could have kept pushing if it weren't for her.  I was pretty happy (after everything was said and done) that I didn't exchange her for a nicer model, haha.

  

After an hour-ish of pushing, being in the hospital for about 8 hours, and having contractions for about 19 hours, and having not slept at all in over 24 hours, Evie May Smith finally decided to grace us with her presence at 11:45 am (about 30 minutes after I should have been doing my final presentation!).

She was wide awake and didn't cry for several minutes, and even then it was just a little bit of protest crying at being manhandled.  This kind of freaked Karl out, but no one else was concerned.  She was perfectly healthy, she was just a very laid back baby :)

Right afterward I was extremely tired (which is mostly due to the fact that I had barely slept in weeks), I did have a couple of slight tears that needed to be stitched (yeeeah, that was NOT comfortable), they kept pushing on my abdomen, and I all I could think was "I already pushed out the baby, can't I just be done with the pain now??".  I was a little bit out of it and I honestly felt kind of disappointed, I was told that as soon as that baby is born it's such a rush and there's all this bonding and stuff, but I just felt like I'd had the life sucked out of me by that machine from the Princess Bride.  I really wasn't sure I even wanted to hold my baby because I was feeling so out of it.  Then I looked over at Karl, who was holding Evie, and he just looked so smitten with her, he was almost giddy just looking at her; it was awesome to see.  I finally was done being bothered, they handed her to me... and it was amazing.  Even though just ten minutes before I felt like death warmed over, in just a few minutes after holding her I felt fantastic.  I just wanted to hold her and keep looking at her and looking at her.  People kept telling me I should get some rest, but I couldn't sleep for anything; I wanted to be up and about and I wanted to talk to people and do stuff.... The difference was crazy!!  It was like I had taken an energy shot or something.

After that whole experience I felt so empowered, like I had just put myself--my body and mind--through an impossible challenge, and I had made it!  I did it!  After that I felt like I could do absolutely anything.  It really was probably the closest thing I will ever get to experiencing a "high", and that high really got me through the next couple of months of little sleep, lots of diapers, and the whole transition to motherhood.

Later that afternoon after everybody had finally left us to ourselves, I was talking to Karl about the whole experience and he told me how much he respected me for what I did.  We had chosen to do this with no drugs because we felt like it was the healthiest choice for our baby, and after watching how incredibly hard and painful it was and seeing that I didn't give up, he told me how much more he respected me after all that.  Not that he didn't respect me before, haha, but he was very impressed by what I went through for our baby.  I'm really not saying this to brag or anything, that was just one of the biggest (and actually unexpected) "perks" of the whole experience.  I feel like I need to share how incredibly much that meant to me to have him say that.  I didn't do this to have Karl (the nurses, or anybody else) think that I'm awesome or anything, but it really was a great experience for us to go through as a couple, I think.

I really enjoyed my natural childbirth experience, I feel like I've grown so much personally and learned a lot about myself and what I'm really capable of.  I definitely will be doing it again, I don't regret it in the least.  Also, I've been assured that the first labor is the longest/the longest time pushing, so I'm hoping things will be a little easier next time around ;)  

We are so excited to have our little Evie May here with us, it has been quite the adventure, and we are looking forward to many years of adventures to come!!