As of Thursday, December 8th, at 11:45 am, I am officially a mommy! Evie May Smith was 6 lbs 3 oz, 19 inches, and the most adorable thing I've ever seen :)
I really can't believe it's been a month already!!! To be completely honest, I'm still stuck somewhere in early-mid December, lol! I just thought it might be time to FINALLY write down my birth story (now that bebe is over a month old!).
So, December 7th, after school Karl and I went in for my 40 week (and one day) appointment at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. The midwives were really concerned about the incredibly awful rash I developed all over my body and really wanted to induce me, but they said my bishop score (cervix position, dilation, effacement, and baby's position) wasn't high enough--which was probably a good thing, because as much as I didn't want to induce, I was EXTREMELY miserable and in no position to resist the temptation! Anyway, they swept my membranes and sent me over to the hospital to do another non-stress test and more blood work (they were really hoping to find some reason to induce me).
Now, Karl and I were both running on very little sleep at this point--between my itching and all the final projects and studying keeping us up all night, we were completely worn out that day! We were half falling asleep the whole hour long wait at radiology for our ultrasound (the results of which were "Everything looks great! Baby is fine!") AND during the two hours we spent in labor and delivery hooked up to monitors and waiting for test results (just to be told "You're fine! Baby's fine!"). After all that we didn't get home until 7 o' clock... Which was really frustrating because both Karl and I had a TON to get done for the next day--Karl had several huge sections of math homework due and two tests to study for, and I had to compile/edit a final group paper and prepare a presentation for Thursday morning (yes, this is our combined procrastination at its finest!). All in all a very frustrating afternoon. On the bright side though, we did get to see our cute little monkey on the inside one more time!
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| Look at that cutie! You can even see her fuzzy little head! |
Anyway, after all our adventures at the hospital we rushed home and dove into all our homework head first! At around five-ish I had started having contractions, but they were about the same as the ones I'd been having off and on for over a week (regular, close together, but mostly just uncomfortable), so I wasn't too excited about it (although I was REALLY hoping something was happening!). They did keep going though, and by 10 o'clock they were moving past the uncomfortable stage into the painful stage--they hurt just enough to be distracting from my loads of homework I needed to get done!! Around that time my parents came over and my dad and Karl gave me a blessing so that I'd be able to get through my homework and not be too uncomfortable (at this point I was still not getting my hopes up for labor--too many nights spent with contractions to be very optimistic!).
Karl and I both finished/gave up on our homework at about 2:30 in the morning. I emailed the my powerpoint presentation and the final paper to my group-mates and we headed to bed.
Ok, here's the weird thing, right about the time I FINALLY got in bed and started trying to go to sleep, my contractions completely stopped for about fifteen minutes... Then suddenly they hit me like a freight train! They were suddenly INTENSELY painful and really close together! I tried really hard to just stay in bed and relax (since everything I had read said to try to stay home as long as possible), but I couldn't keep quiet, lol! Karl woke up with all my groaning, I told him to go back to sleep, buuuut with my contractions about three minutes apart and pretty dern painful, he kind of ignored me, popped out of bed and started running around trying to time contractions, emailing my group to let them know I would probably be missing our presentation, and taking our stuff out to the car.
I texted my mom, called the midwife, and we finally decided it was time to go.
We got to the hospital around 3:30 am and I got to sit in the little triage room for an hour while they checked my progression. Luckily I went from a 3 to a 4 in the hour I was there (yay!), so they let me stay. I was so terrified that I wouldn't be progressing and they would send me home, so I was overjoyed with the news!
The nurse came in to move me to the labor/delivery room and the very first thing she said to me was, "when would you like to start your drugs?" That question actually made me pause, and the thought flashed through my mind, "if this isn't even the worst part, maybe I should get those drugs...", but luckily for me my mom sensed my hesitation and was there to tell her that I didn't want anything. When my mom said that, the nurse was pretty grumpy, she started talking about other drugs other than an epidural, but my mom said we were ok. I was pretty taken aback by her reaction to me wanting to go un-medicated, and to be honest, I was really hoping for a shift change and a new nurse. I just didn't like how negative she was being and I really didn't want to have to deal with that for however many more hours this whole thing took... But more on that in a minute ;)
As soon as they would let me, I got into the bathtub which, I have to say, was an absolute life saver! The contractions were much easier to handle in the water, it was loverly. I spent most of my labor in the tub, I didn't really realize it (my sense of time was sooo off during this whole process), but I was actually in there for hours! I kept having to have Karl put more hot water in because it would get cold. My mom knelt by the tub and she would put her hand on my forehead and either she or Karl would be holding my hand. That kept me kind of grounded and kept me from getting overwhelmed by each contraction. Between contractions my mom and I just talked, which is what we always do. My mom and I can talk for hours on end, so I really think that helped the time pass for me. I could not have done it without my mom; Karl and I are so grateful that she was there to help us get our bitty baby into the world! I feel really bad that she had to spend so many hours kneeling on the bathroom floor for me, but I'm so thankful she was willing to do it!!
The nurse (the mean one), came in a couple of times and it was interesting, because as she watched me (and my "team") labor, she really changed her attitude. One of the times she came in she told us how impressed she was by how well we seemed to have things down, especially since this was my first labor. It was weird to see her change so completely from this almost resentful "you're-going-to-be-so-much-more-work-for-me-because-you-won't-take-the-stupid-drugs" attitude, to one of respect for what I was doing and how well I was doing it (not trying to toot my own horn or anything, haha).
Anyway, I have heard people describe contractions as waves; they aren't just sudden attacks of pain, they start small and get worse and worse, peak, then they back off. I never really understood that metaphor, I mean, it makes sense, but I didn't really understand it until I lived it. I felt like with each contraction I had to stay "on top" of the wave/pain by keeping myself as relaxed as possible through the whole thing and letting my body do its work. The minute I started to tense up I would start to get overwhelmed and I felt like I was drowning in the pain. As I got closer to transition there were so many times when I would sit there through a contraction saying "I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't", but my mom would reassure me and talk me through it, and I would change my "chant" to "I can, I can, I can". I don't feel like I could ever really explain the labor experience to those who have not done it, but as strange as this all sounds, it makes perfect sense to me, haha! As bad as it all was, I really felt like I could stay on top of it and that I could do it through this entire stage of labor. I feel like I got into a groove and we just pushed along for a few hours in the tub... Then came the point when I started feeling completely overwhelmed by each contraction... I'm so glad that I knew enough to realize (when gently reminded, because I was kind of out of my right mind) that I was in transition, which is the shortest phase and so I was getting close to being done!!
The midwife finally came in and checked me and they decided that I would probably be completely dilated and ready to push if they broke my water. So they got me out of the tub (boo!!!!) and into the hospital bed and broke my water. Pretty quickly after that I was seriously in the most intense pain EVER. The midwife thought she would help me out by pushing on my knees, which some women find helpful, but it like instantly made everything ten times worse. I think it really says something about my personality that even with that much pain I let her do it through a whole contraction and a half before basically squirming up the bed and asking her to stop... Because I didn't want to offend her, haha!! Interestingly enough though, even in transition, we were still joking around and everyone thought it was funny that I was still able to smile between contractions. At least one book I read told me that I shouldn't go to the hospital until I could no longer smile in between contractions; if I'd gone with that advice I wouldn't have left my house until I was completely dilated!!
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| Yes, this is an actual picture of me during transition... Thank you paparazzi Karl ;) |
And then the pushing started... Which I have to say was the WORST part of the whole experience. This was the only other time during my whole labor that I even thought about drugs... and even then it was a regretful "dang it, can't get drugs now... I guess I'm just going to have to die".... Haha. One of the things I would really like to do differently next time is to NOT be lying on my back while I push. That was one thing I did have in my "unofficial birth plan", but they had me lying down for some reason, and I was so out of it by that time, I didn't even think to ask to change positions.
Pushing was SO hard.
Some women like the pushing part because they feel more in control, but I really had a hard time with it. I felt a constant urge to push, there weren't really any breaks, so while everyone was trying to coach me in my pushing, I was having a terrible time. I pushed for I think around 40 minutes to an hour and Evie was just taking her time, not wanting to come down the birth canal, and she ended up "crowning" for what felt like a MILLION years. Her head kept coming out little by little and then moving back... Extremely frustrating! I remember exclaiming (very exasperatedly), "WHY WON'T SHE COME OUT???". Everyone kept reassuring me that she was coming, but I just knew that she was never coming out, they were going to have to cut me open or something, because there was just no way that baby was ever coming out!!
By the end I was so tired (I'd been up for over 24 hours at this point) and I kept hyperventilating so I ended up with an oxygen mask, and they tried to put a monitor on Evie's head to keep an eye on her, but she had so much hair it didn't work! By this point, I really had no idea who was in the room, I vaguely remember looking over at Karl who I could tell was having a hard time watching me in so much pain, but I really could have cared less who was down there catching the baby. I know there were about 6 people in the room (including my mom and Karl), but the only one I really remember was that nurse. Yes, the mean one I wanted to leave when I was first admitted. She kept me focused on her face and kept telling me to breathe and when to push. I don't think I could have kept pushing if it weren't for her. I was pretty happy (after everything was said and done) that I didn't exchange her for a nicer model, haha.
After an hour-ish of pushing, being in the hospital for about 8 hours, and having contractions for about 19 hours, and having not slept at all in over 24 hours, Evie May Smith finally decided to grace us with her presence at 11:45 am (about 30 minutes after I should have been doing my final presentation!).
She was wide awake and didn't cry for several minutes, and even then it was just a little bit of protest crying at being manhandled. This kind of freaked Karl out, but no one else was concerned. She was perfectly healthy, she was just a very laid back baby :)
Right afterward I was extremely tired (which is mostly due to the fact that I had barely slept in weeks), I did have a couple of slight tears that needed to be stitched (yeeeah, that was NOT comfortable), they kept pushing on my abdomen, and I all I could think was "I already pushed out the baby, can't I just be done with the pain now??". I was a little bit out of it and I honestly felt kind of disappointed, I was told that as soon as that baby is born it's such a rush and there's all this bonding and stuff, but I just felt like I'd had the life sucked out of me by that machine from the Princess Bride. I really wasn't sure I even wanted to hold my baby because I was feeling so out of it. Then I looked over at Karl, who was holding Evie, and he just looked so smitten with her, he was almost giddy just looking at her; it was awesome to see. I finally was done being bothered, they handed her to me... and it was amazing. Even though just ten minutes before I felt like death warmed over, in just a few minutes after holding her I felt fantastic. I just wanted to hold her and keep looking at her and looking at her. People kept telling me I should get some rest, but I couldn't sleep for anything; I wanted to be up and about and I wanted to talk to people and do stuff.... The difference was crazy!! It was like I had taken an energy shot or something.
After that whole experience I felt so empowered, like I had just put myself--my body and mind--through an impossible challenge, and I had made it! I did it! After that I felt like I could do absolutely anything. It really was probably the closest thing I will ever get to experiencing a "high", and that high really got me through the next couple of months of little sleep, lots of diapers, and the whole transition to motherhood.
Later that afternoon after everybody had finally left us to ourselves, I was talking to Karl about the whole experience and he told me how much he respected me for what I did. We had chosen to do this with no drugs because we felt like it was the healthiest choice for our baby, and after watching how incredibly hard and painful it was and seeing that I didn't give up, he told me how much more he respected me after all that. Not that he didn't respect me before, haha, but he was very impressed by what I went through for our baby. I'm really not saying this to brag or anything, that was just one of the biggest (and actually unexpected) "perks" of the whole experience. I feel like I need to share how incredibly much that meant to me to have him say that. I didn't do this to have Karl (the nurses, or anybody else) think that I'm awesome or anything, but it really was a great experience for us to go through as a couple, I think.
I really enjoyed my natural childbirth experience, I feel like I've grown so much personally and learned a lot about myself and what I'm really capable of. I definitely will be doing it again, I don't regret it in the least. Also, I've been assured that the first labor is the longest/the longest time pushing, so I'm hoping things will be a little easier next time around ;)
We are so excited to have our little Evie May here with us, it has been quite the adventure, and we are looking forward to many years of adventures to come!!
